THE LEARNED SQUIB
Vol 1 No 11 13th June 2001
My dear Retired Magistrate,
It is with a heavy heart full of joy that I ‘pen’ you these few lines, having learnt of your shocking exit from the exalted throne of your fathers.
Ha! How are the mighty fallen and the implements of gratification perish! I could not believe my ears that anybody could have the temerity to look you in the face and unceremoniously drown your disturbing career in the whirlpool of retirement.
What is your offence? I know they did not disclose and dare not disclose. Is it judicial incompetence? But you know the law and the procedures, at least on how to grant bail to accused persons, on mutually rewarding terms. Is it for absenteeism? Nay, never. Could it be for biribiri, otherwise known fearfully as CORRUPTION? And so?
The answer lies in the immortal words of the immortal Christ, “Let anyone without sin cast the first stone.
It may be true that you regularly and routinely collect mammon from lawyers and litigants but then did you ever fail to deliver your own part of the agreement? Are those other parties to the judicious agreements and contracts ever unhappy?
The wicked have done their worst! Really. How do they expect you to cope and re-adjust now to changes both in title and income. You a deity yesterday, now a mere earthling today. Haba! And how are you going to cope now with your established expensive tastes?
But not to worry, I can see that you are still young, healthy and vibrant. There is a future for you. One, you can just dust up your long abandoned wig and gown and begin to practice or re-practice as a lawyer. After all you are first of all lawyers and the wicked have not confiscated your wig and gown. You’ll even discover that your practice will boom so much that you will graduate from using a ‘Benz’ to a ‘Volks.’
Or you can become a best-selling author. All those your experiences on the bench must not only be rich but quite educative. The title of your book(s) can read like any of these:
(a) “THE WICKED HAVE DONE THEIR WORST: (THE LIFE & TIMES OF AN UNFAIRLY RETIRED MAGISTRATE).
(b) FROM WORSHIP TO NOTHINGSHIP.
(c) ONCE UPON A MAGISTRATE.
Thirdly, you can become a consultant to lawyers and counselor to New Magistrates. You can organize Seminars too. Your constant seminar topic should be: “AVOIDING THE LANDMINES IN LAGOS STATE MAGISTRACY.”
And you can become an evangelist. In fact, you are a perfect candidate for the post of Pastor, Reverend or Evangelist. If you do this, great shall be your reward in heaven…for God does not want the death of sinners but for them to repent.
Just accept my commiserations. But you are not alone in the quagmire. Even greater, finer, much more upright gentlemen and ladies than you like Mr. Kaffo, Mr. Bajulaiye, Mr. Gbogodo, Mrs. Bankole-Williams, Mrs. Osinowo, etc., went away with the wind. But that’s the way of the world and officialdom. One cannot complain too much. The Government giveth, the Government taketh, blessed be the name of Government.
I cannot end this letter without telling you not to be deceived by the sympathetic noises of lawyers when you meet them. Most of them laugh and jeer at you behind your back but shed crocodile tears in your presence. They say you lots are glorified criminals, shameless crooks, open and close money-mongers, etc. and are praising Osinbajo (that wicked “ajoji” professor) and Segun (Father Chris) for cutting off your magisterial necks.
You need not be afraid of the future. Your housing estates which you constructed in the FAT years will bail you out now in these lean times. Likewise your numerous other investments.
My dear former worship, the downfall of a man is not the end of his life.
Soldier on. I rise!
Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
'The Genius of Bola Tinubu' By Adesina Ogunlana
THE LEARNED SQUIB
Vol 1 No 10 5th June 2001
When I see a genius, I know him. Actually it is an act of ingenuity to recognize a genius. Many people are genius-blind. They just can’t recognize a master-mind when they see one.
Look at our Governor, Bola Chic-Tinubu. The man is a genius. I have always known this. I have kept my verdict to myself to avoid being stoned by rather impatient Lagosians. Until now.
His latest manifestation of genius thrilled me no end that I hereby openly declare my admiration. Well, damn your stones! The said manifestation shouts to the heavens but dolt heads can’t even feel it. Alas!
What are we talking about? The new increment on sundry Judicial fees (filing fees etc.) This beautiful noose is being misconstrued by many people who are not thinking very deeply. They complain that the fees, are too exorbitant and that for some time now receipts by which to make the payments are not even available. I have seen lawyers reeling under the weight of the new fees, shock written all over their faces. They just can’t comprehend why fees went up so astronomically. E.g. filing fees for Landlord-Tenant matters rose magnificently from N306.00 or thereabouts to N1,000.00, and fees for affidavits from N5.00 to N50.00.
But isn’t all this wonderful? First of all this is a clear dividend of democracy. But more importantly Mr. Chic-Tinubu has very smartly solved the intractable problem of congestion of cases in the Lagos Courts.
What a man of genius! The Eyo Heritage Consolidator, has with rare insight gone into the root of the problem. We all talk about congestion of cases in the courts; cases are too many, take too long to be determined and judges are dying off like striken rabbits. Blah! Bla! Blah!
What should a man of genius do?
Employ more judges? Oh yes but not enough. Build more courts? Oh yes but not enough. Introduce electronic recording into the courts? Oh yes but not enough. For all these are pedestrian panacea.
Go to the root of the problem! Every problem has a root. And the root of the congestion of cases in the courts lies in the registry. Far too many people rush to court nowadays to institute action over petty matters.
For example a man has just lost his wife to his landlord. He would come to court. A woman has just had her shop damaged and looted by her Local Government. She would rush to court…all these because the fees are affordable. Instead of just enduring all indignities and all persons rush to court. Where then remains the meek who shall inherit the earth?
But now the FLOOD of cases, now dammed by high fees would soon reduce to a proportion of a STREAM and before long becomes a RIVULET and then a trickle before resting at mere DROPS.
Of course when we come to this point, there won’t be too many cases in court again. Judges will have more relaxation time and the society will be better off through self help efforts. Honestly, Bola Chic-Tinubu is a genius…If you still don’t agree I won’t be surprised.
After all you suffer from ‘geniusiasis!’
Related link: www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
Vol 1 No 10 5th June 2001
When I see a genius, I know him. Actually it is an act of ingenuity to recognize a genius. Many people are genius-blind. They just can’t recognize a master-mind when they see one.
Look at our Governor, Bola Chic-Tinubu. The man is a genius. I have always known this. I have kept my verdict to myself to avoid being stoned by rather impatient Lagosians. Until now.
His latest manifestation of genius thrilled me no end that I hereby openly declare my admiration. Well, damn your stones! The said manifestation shouts to the heavens but dolt heads can’t even feel it. Alas!
What are we talking about? The new increment on sundry Judicial fees (filing fees etc.) This beautiful noose is being misconstrued by many people who are not thinking very deeply. They complain that the fees, are too exorbitant and that for some time now receipts by which to make the payments are not even available. I have seen lawyers reeling under the weight of the new fees, shock written all over their faces. They just can’t comprehend why fees went up so astronomically. E.g. filing fees for Landlord-Tenant matters rose magnificently from N306.00 or thereabouts to N1,000.00, and fees for affidavits from N5.00 to N50.00.
But isn’t all this wonderful? First of all this is a clear dividend of democracy. But more importantly Mr. Chic-Tinubu has very smartly solved the intractable problem of congestion of cases in the Lagos Courts.
What a man of genius! The Eyo Heritage Consolidator, has with rare insight gone into the root of the problem. We all talk about congestion of cases in the courts; cases are too many, take too long to be determined and judges are dying off like striken rabbits. Blah! Bla! Blah!
What should a man of genius do?
Employ more judges? Oh yes but not enough. Build more courts? Oh yes but not enough. Introduce electronic recording into the courts? Oh yes but not enough. For all these are pedestrian panacea.
Go to the root of the problem! Every problem has a root. And the root of the congestion of cases in the courts lies in the registry. Far too many people rush to court nowadays to institute action over petty matters.
For example a man has just lost his wife to his landlord. He would come to court. A woman has just had her shop damaged and looted by her Local Government. She would rush to court…all these because the fees are affordable. Instead of just enduring all indignities and all persons rush to court. Where then remains the meek who shall inherit the earth?
But now the FLOOD of cases, now dammed by high fees would soon reduce to a proportion of a STREAM and before long becomes a RIVULET and then a trickle before resting at mere DROPS.
Of course when we come to this point, there won’t be too many cases in court again. Judges will have more relaxation time and the society will be better off through self help efforts. Honestly, Bola Chic-Tinubu is a genius…If you still don’t agree I won’t be surprised.
After all you suffer from ‘geniusiasis!’
Related link: www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
'If I Were The New CJ of Lagos State' By Adesina Ogunlana
THE LEARNED SQUIB
Vol 1 No 9 29th May 2001
If I were the new Chief Justice of Lagos State. I would buy a very strong girdle – definitely not from Aswani Market and gird my loins tightly for I have realized that, this seat (C.J’s) ‘no be joke.’ Of course I would work so hard and long that my industry would so shout that people would give my critics dirty looks before saying “But you people said the woman was lazy!”
Secondly, I shall be very gracious and generous to my erstwhile seniors, particularly Longe .J who so far has been admirable in his acceptance of the overthrow which has overthrown overthrow (Baba 70, rest on in grasses).
Thirdly, I shall ‘Enronise’ the Judiciary particularly between the hours of 9.00 am – 4.00 pm so that the courts would have uninterrupted supply of power and no lazy bone judge can have any hiding place again.
Fourthly, I shall conduct a special deliverance service for all registry and probate staff so that God will remove the “EGUNJE MUST DROP” spirit from them. And if this fails, I shall now purge these departments in the manner of a massacre.
Fifthly, I shall see to it that all judiciary staff are taken care of, particularly those that work directly with judges, such as court registrars, secretaries, recorders, transcribers, etc.
Sixthly, I shall continue and even improve on my predecessor’s habit of quick, efficient assignment of new cases, treatment of petitions, etc.
Seventhly, I shall keep my office open to all lawyers, unlike my immediate predecessor who warmly welcomed old, known lawyers, retired judges and other members of the public but who did not mind closing his door and mind in a most ungracious manner to yet-to-be-known counsel as did he to one Mr. Squib and one Miss Squib in the afternoon of 17th May 2001, even without enquiring about their mission. Mr. Ayanlaja, Senior Advocate of Nigeria, please bear me witness Sir. I lie?
Eighthly, I shall cause death to the dearth of receipts in the judiciary (bloody shame) and destroy the prevailing “war-lordship arrangements” in the bailiff section, which allows for court bailiffs to illegally employ an army of toughs to act as proxy process servers and proxy court-order enforcers. To this end in my own time, government shall employ many more people as bailiffs and cause at least 100 motorcycles to be bought and maintained for their official use.
Ninthly, I shall not by any reason of my ascension to this exalted seat compromise the independence and integrity of the Judiciary to any other arm of government, particularly the Executive arm. And this, come high or low politics in the year 2003 and even beyond.
Finally, I shall endeavour to read the SQUIB magazine weekly and give a practical directive to all my judges whether rookie or old hand to do likewise, even if it is their closets. I will also advise those with animus against the SQUIB to drop their arms for it is a difficult thing to swallow thorns or capture thunder with bare hands. Evil follows the evil doer and he shall fall into it, he, judge or no who sets traps for the innocent. MARK MY WORDS.
Vol 1 No 9 29th May 2001
If I were the new Chief Justice of Lagos State. I would buy a very strong girdle – definitely not from Aswani Market and gird my loins tightly for I have realized that, this seat (C.J’s) ‘no be joke.’ Of course I would work so hard and long that my industry would so shout that people would give my critics dirty looks before saying “But you people said the woman was lazy!”
Secondly, I shall be very gracious and generous to my erstwhile seniors, particularly Longe .J who so far has been admirable in his acceptance of the overthrow which has overthrown overthrow (Baba 70, rest on in grasses).
Thirdly, I shall ‘Enronise’ the Judiciary particularly between the hours of 9.00 am – 4.00 pm so that the courts would have uninterrupted supply of power and no lazy bone judge can have any hiding place again.
Fourthly, I shall conduct a special deliverance service for all registry and probate staff so that God will remove the “EGUNJE MUST DROP” spirit from them. And if this fails, I shall now purge these departments in the manner of a massacre.
Fifthly, I shall see to it that all judiciary staff are taken care of, particularly those that work directly with judges, such as court registrars, secretaries, recorders, transcribers, etc.
Sixthly, I shall continue and even improve on my predecessor’s habit of quick, efficient assignment of new cases, treatment of petitions, etc.
Seventhly, I shall keep my office open to all lawyers, unlike my immediate predecessor who warmly welcomed old, known lawyers, retired judges and other members of the public but who did not mind closing his door and mind in a most ungracious manner to yet-to-be-known counsel as did he to one Mr. Squib and one Miss Squib in the afternoon of 17th May 2001, even without enquiring about their mission. Mr. Ayanlaja, Senior Advocate of Nigeria, please bear me witness Sir. I lie?
Eighthly, I shall cause death to the dearth of receipts in the judiciary (bloody shame) and destroy the prevailing “war-lordship arrangements” in the bailiff section, which allows for court bailiffs to illegally employ an army of toughs to act as proxy process servers and proxy court-order enforcers. To this end in my own time, government shall employ many more people as bailiffs and cause at least 100 motorcycles to be bought and maintained for their official use.
Ninthly, I shall not by any reason of my ascension to this exalted seat compromise the independence and integrity of the Judiciary to any other arm of government, particularly the Executive arm. And this, come high or low politics in the year 2003 and even beyond.
Finally, I shall endeavour to read the SQUIB magazine weekly and give a practical directive to all my judges whether rookie or old hand to do likewise, even if it is their closets. I will also advise those with animus against the SQUIB to drop their arms for it is a difficult thing to swallow thorns or capture thunder with bare hands. Evil follows the evil doer and he shall fall into it, he, judge or no who sets traps for the innocent. MARK MY WORDS.
Related link: www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
''We Shall Meet At Philippi' By Adesina Ogunlana
THE LEARNED SQUIB
Vol 1 No 8 22nd May 2001
In a few days time very important developments shall take place in the Lagos State Judiciary…if the Lord tarries.
Firstly, new magistrates shall be appointed and appointees announced on or before the 25th May 2001.
Secondly, a new chief judge of Lagos State shall be announced.
Thirdly, announcement of newly appointed judges in replacement of retired and retiring ones shall be made.
It is very clear that a lot of high tension politics have attended the nomination and appointments of these personages.
Some lawyers do not care who becomes the Chief Judge or Magistrate but I CARE and very passionately too because the quality of the bench fundamentally determines the health of the Bar and the stability of the society.
If the stories one hears about are anything to rely on, it seems as if there are some misfits in the list of appointees.
I have heard of the selection of persons who are as far away from the practice of the law as a fish is to living outside water.
I have heard of the selection of persons whose spouses’ influence and weight in society counted more with the selectors than the ‘appointees’ personal competence and integrity.
Can all these be true? If true, then I say, “Ha, et tu Segun; Ha, et tu Osibajo!” But I will do more than say “et tu” to anybody.
By God, I pledge myself to foment trouble for such unworthy appointees. I pledge myself to cause confusion, discomfort, agony, heartache, hypertension, sorrow, regret, to such evil persons who are “troublers of Israel.”
Let it ring loud and clear, that the era of stupid complacence, sheepish, uncritical acceptance of judicial mess from vile judges who are not worthy of their ermine robes in the first instance, is gone, gone forever.
I have no apology for my position and may God deal as much with anybody who apologises on my behalf to any so called power behind my back.
Bad, Lazy, Ignorant, Corrupt Judges are the judiciary’s greatest problem. Honestly. Forget all those whining about poor funding or infrastructural deficiencies. They are real and true, but have such problems stopped Akinsanya .J, Rhodes-Vivour .J, Adefope-Okogie .J, Kekere-Ekun .J, Adeyinka .J and such other respectable judges from great daily performances?
So my dear misfit-appointee, please do yourself a favour – kindly reject the appointment or turn over a magic new leaf. Else, the Scourge of God shall fall on you and your court made ungovernable and your tenure a disgrace. Before you destroy our living, our profession and our society.
Dare you call me a PECULIAR MESS!
But you and those who appoint you are the more PECULIAR MESS!
Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
Vol 1 No 8 22nd May 2001
In a few days time very important developments shall take place in the Lagos State Judiciary…if the Lord tarries.
Firstly, new magistrates shall be appointed and appointees announced on or before the 25th May 2001.
Secondly, a new chief judge of Lagos State shall be announced.
Thirdly, announcement of newly appointed judges in replacement of retired and retiring ones shall be made.
It is very clear that a lot of high tension politics have attended the nomination and appointments of these personages.
Some lawyers do not care who becomes the Chief Judge or Magistrate but I CARE and very passionately too because the quality of the bench fundamentally determines the health of the Bar and the stability of the society.
If the stories one hears about are anything to rely on, it seems as if there are some misfits in the list of appointees.
I have heard of the selection of persons who are as far away from the practice of the law as a fish is to living outside water.
I have heard of the selection of persons whose spouses’ influence and weight in society counted more with the selectors than the ‘appointees’ personal competence and integrity.
Can all these be true? If true, then I say, “Ha, et tu Segun; Ha, et tu Osibajo!” But I will do more than say “et tu” to anybody.
By God, I pledge myself to foment trouble for such unworthy appointees. I pledge myself to cause confusion, discomfort, agony, heartache, hypertension, sorrow, regret, to such evil persons who are “troublers of Israel.”
Let it ring loud and clear, that the era of stupid complacence, sheepish, uncritical acceptance of judicial mess from vile judges who are not worthy of their ermine robes in the first instance, is gone, gone forever.
I have no apology for my position and may God deal as much with anybody who apologises on my behalf to any so called power behind my back.
Bad, Lazy, Ignorant, Corrupt Judges are the judiciary’s greatest problem. Honestly. Forget all those whining about poor funding or infrastructural deficiencies. They are real and true, but have such problems stopped Akinsanya .J, Rhodes-Vivour .J, Adefope-Okogie .J, Kekere-Ekun .J, Adeyinka .J and such other respectable judges from great daily performances?
So my dear misfit-appointee, please do yourself a favour – kindly reject the appointment or turn over a magic new leaf. Else, the Scourge of God shall fall on you and your court made ungovernable and your tenure a disgrace. Before you destroy our living, our profession and our society.
Dare you call me a PECULIAR MESS!
But you and those who appoint you are the more PECULIAR MESS!
Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
'The Lord At Badagry And His Holy Days' By Adesina Ogunlana
THE LEARNED SQUIB
Vol 1 No 7 15th May 2001
I sallied forth last week, on Tuesday to Badagry. Not to swim in the Atlantic, or to say ‘hi’ to the Menu Toyi. Rather it was to see things for myself at the Badagry High Court (BHC).
Now the BHC is the domain of Honourable Justice Z.A. Ashiyanbi, who in 1999, during the vacation period as I reliably learnt earned himself the exotic appellation – ‘G.M.G’ (Ghana-Must-Go), ss some are still swearing. Ghana actually went away with the Judex then. Soon thereafter the vacation period, His Lordship woke up one morning only to find himself transferred to the BHC, a move which Judiciary workers claimed was a direct result and acknowledgement of His Lordship’s wondrous deeds as Judge during the afore mentioned vacation period. Abi?
But presently the chief complaint against His Lordship to my knowledge has nothing to do with Ghana or Ghana-Must-Go bags. Rather they have everything to do with his Lordship’s 3-day working week and a demonstratable aversion to working for long hours. And lawyers are really concerned about this, but have they been fair to His Lordship?
I know the usual but not quite effective thing to do is to report such matters to the office of the Chief Justice. But here I teach you certain pragmatic and sure-fire methods and steps to take to cope effectively in the BHC.
(a) BRING ALONG A GENERATOR
The supply of power to the BHC is to say the least highly irregular and unreliable. Then how can you expect an old man, His Lordship the Badagry Judge to do any meaningful job in stifling heat? So don’t arm yourself when going to the BHC with only Law Reports, Court Rules and the Evidence Act. Carry a Gen-Set along and let’s see whether His Lordship will manifest any escapist tendency.
(b) RECOGNISE TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AS HIS LORDSHIP’S SABBATH
I think a Lord should have the power to declare any day holy and work-free for himself. So what’s the big deal in Ashiyanbi .J’s refusal to sit on Tuesdays and Fridays? After all, many City (Lagos & Ikeja Division) judges do not sit on Fridays and some of them cannot be found at all in their Chambers on the Friday “Sabbaths.” And how do you know that His Lordship has not been using Tuesdays for cogitating on crack legal issues and writing momentous judgements albeit in the comfort of his residence.
(c) DO NOT GO TO COURT EARLY
Avoid frustration. Don’t go to the HBC if you have a matter there on ‘acceptable’ days, earlier than 10.am. Even then, His Lordship may still be wending his tortuous way from his Ikoyi residence which is about 70 kilometers to his Court at Badagry. For the same reason the poor Lord may not be too keen on staying too long at Badagry before diving home.
We all may blame the Judge but the system (Judiciary) is much more to blame. Why create punishment zones – for Badagry Judicial Division, is actually one of such and is better re-named Badagry Judicial Punishment Division. There is no decent and appropriate accommodation for a judge yet in place there. The premises of the very High Court reeks of woe, ruin and desolation. Little wonder that officers there see their postings as punishment and pass on or share the punishment with the helpless public. It is either a judicial division is properly supported with the withal to stand or is scrapped. Accept my sympathy your Lordship, but is there absolutely nothing that we can do to “de-Sabbathify” Tuesdays? Nothing Sir?
Related link: www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
Vol 1 No 7 15th May 2001
I sallied forth last week, on Tuesday to Badagry. Not to swim in the Atlantic, or to say ‘hi’ to the Menu Toyi. Rather it was to see things for myself at the Badagry High Court (BHC).
Now the BHC is the domain of Honourable Justice Z.A. Ashiyanbi, who in 1999, during the vacation period as I reliably learnt earned himself the exotic appellation – ‘G.M.G’ (Ghana-Must-Go), ss some are still swearing. Ghana actually went away with the Judex then. Soon thereafter the vacation period, His Lordship woke up one morning only to find himself transferred to the BHC, a move which Judiciary workers claimed was a direct result and acknowledgement of His Lordship’s wondrous deeds as Judge during the afore mentioned vacation period. Abi?
But presently the chief complaint against His Lordship to my knowledge has nothing to do with Ghana or Ghana-Must-Go bags. Rather they have everything to do with his Lordship’s 3-day working week and a demonstratable aversion to working for long hours. And lawyers are really concerned about this, but have they been fair to His Lordship?
I know the usual but not quite effective thing to do is to report such matters to the office of the Chief Justice. But here I teach you certain pragmatic and sure-fire methods and steps to take to cope effectively in the BHC.
(a) BRING ALONG A GENERATOR
The supply of power to the BHC is to say the least highly irregular and unreliable. Then how can you expect an old man, His Lordship the Badagry Judge to do any meaningful job in stifling heat? So don’t arm yourself when going to the BHC with only Law Reports, Court Rules and the Evidence Act. Carry a Gen-Set along and let’s see whether His Lordship will manifest any escapist tendency.
(b) RECOGNISE TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AS HIS LORDSHIP’S SABBATH
I think a Lord should have the power to declare any day holy and work-free for himself. So what’s the big deal in Ashiyanbi .J’s refusal to sit on Tuesdays and Fridays? After all, many City (Lagos & Ikeja Division) judges do not sit on Fridays and some of them cannot be found at all in their Chambers on the Friday “Sabbaths.” And how do you know that His Lordship has not been using Tuesdays for cogitating on crack legal issues and writing momentous judgements albeit in the comfort of his residence.
(c) DO NOT GO TO COURT EARLY
Avoid frustration. Don’t go to the HBC if you have a matter there on ‘acceptable’ days, earlier than 10.am. Even then, His Lordship may still be wending his tortuous way from his Ikoyi residence which is about 70 kilometers to his Court at Badagry. For the same reason the poor Lord may not be too keen on staying too long at Badagry before diving home.
We all may blame the Judge but the system (Judiciary) is much more to blame. Why create punishment zones – for Badagry Judicial Division, is actually one of such and is better re-named Badagry Judicial Punishment Division. There is no decent and appropriate accommodation for a judge yet in place there. The premises of the very High Court reeks of woe, ruin and desolation. Little wonder that officers there see their postings as punishment and pass on or share the punishment with the helpless public. It is either a judicial division is properly supported with the withal to stand or is scrapped. Accept my sympathy your Lordship, but is there absolutely nothing that we can do to “de-Sabbathify” Tuesdays? Nothing Sir?
Related link: www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
'I Remember When I Was A Quarter-To-Lawyer' By Adesina Ogunlana
THE LEARNED SQUIB
Vol 1 No 6 30th April 2001
You too must have noticed them – the present crop of quarter-to lawyers(QTL). I refer to no other group of persons than the Law School students who since last week have been invading the law courts.
They are like swarms of bees, in number, and their innocence and ignorance is touching. Going by the bounce in their steps, they must be feeling hip and if one were to gauge their earnestness to learn, one only need to consider the rapt attention they pay to proceedings in court.
But will the QTLS benefit greatly from the so called “Court attachment?” I doubt very much. Their naivety is a blinker to their sight. For example an average QTL mistakes mere grandstanding in a Counsel for brilliant advocacy and values a judge’s worth not by his court-room work but by his charming chamber attitude.
I remember when I was in their shoes some six years ago. I recall that many of us were fascinated by Kessington J (as he then was): we would sneak out of respective courts to His Lordship’s ‘arena.’ Because of our naivety we were smitten by his Lordship’s apparent brilliance and saw nothing wrong with his eccentricism, even when it bordered alarmingly on dementia!
Was Kessington J loquacious and garrulous? Sure he was but we saw nothing wrong there. What about his foul, rude and unfair verbal attacks on lawyers appearing before him – these only spiced up our days. How terribly ignorant we were!
Like now, like then, in the way QTLS tend to jot down everything they hear in Court. It is laughable. If a S.A.N snorted, we put it down. When a judge coughed, we captured it graphically. And I am not too sure whether some of us did not record the routine court chorus of “As your Lordship pleases” and the humming of the Air Conditioner in their notebooks.
A wise QTL would do well to spend the period of the Court attachment to continue studying at his lecture notes and synopsis. 90% of what you see in courts my dear friends are too advanced for your understanding within just 3 or 4 weeks of court attachment, and neither would they have much relevance in your examinations.
Don’t be carried away with court shows. Pass your examination first, obtain your “Q.C” or meal ticket first, as Teacher Adubi of blessed memory taught us at the Nigerian Law School and all other things shall be added unto you.
Verily, verily I say unto you it is much easier to practice as a Lawyer than to pass at the Nigerian Law School. You are welcome.
Vol 1 No 6 30th April 2001
You too must have noticed them – the present crop of quarter-to lawyers(QTL). I refer to no other group of persons than the Law School students who since last week have been invading the law courts.
They are like swarms of bees, in number, and their innocence and ignorance is touching. Going by the bounce in their steps, they must be feeling hip and if one were to gauge their earnestness to learn, one only need to consider the rapt attention they pay to proceedings in court.
But will the QTLS benefit greatly from the so called “Court attachment?” I doubt very much. Their naivety is a blinker to their sight. For example an average QTL mistakes mere grandstanding in a Counsel for brilliant advocacy and values a judge’s worth not by his court-room work but by his charming chamber attitude.
I remember when I was in their shoes some six years ago. I recall that many of us were fascinated by Kessington J (as he then was): we would sneak out of respective courts to His Lordship’s ‘arena.’ Because of our naivety we were smitten by his Lordship’s apparent brilliance and saw nothing wrong with his eccentricism, even when it bordered alarmingly on dementia!
Was Kessington J loquacious and garrulous? Sure he was but we saw nothing wrong there. What about his foul, rude and unfair verbal attacks on lawyers appearing before him – these only spiced up our days. How terribly ignorant we were!
Like now, like then, in the way QTLS tend to jot down everything they hear in Court. It is laughable. If a S.A.N snorted, we put it down. When a judge coughed, we captured it graphically. And I am not too sure whether some of us did not record the routine court chorus of “As your Lordship pleases” and the humming of the Air Conditioner in their notebooks.
A wise QTL would do well to spend the period of the Court attachment to continue studying at his lecture notes and synopsis. 90% of what you see in courts my dear friends are too advanced for your understanding within just 3 or 4 weeks of court attachment, and neither would they have much relevance in your examinations.
Don’t be carried away with court shows. Pass your examination first, obtain your “Q.C” or meal ticket first, as Teacher Adubi of blessed memory taught us at the Nigerian Law School and all other things shall be added unto you.
Verily, verily I say unto you it is much easier to practice as a Lawyer than to pass at the Nigerian Law School. You are welcome.
Friday, December 14, 2007
'Mr. Homon Threw A Punch' By Adesina Ogunlana
Vol 1 No 5 24th April 2001
THE LEARNED SQUIB
‘MR HOMON THREW A PUNCH’ By Adesina Ogunlana
I have many friends. Some learned, others not so learned. One of my friends, Mr. Homon fought the other day. Now this fight should interest you. For four good reasons.
(a) Mr. Homon is a legal practitioner.
(b) He fought not only in broad daylight, but right within the premises of the court (Magistrate Court 1 Ikeja).
(c) He fought with a woman
(d) He fought, not verbally, not spiritually nor intellectually…but physically, very physically.
What caused the altercation? There are many versions but I’ll like to believe what my friend told me. He had taken off his coat and hung same on a pole and left the place to see to some other business. Alas when he came back, there lying in an ignoble heap in the dust of mother Earth was his prized habiliment.
Mr. Homon saw red. Sherlock Holming a little, he soon discovered the cause of the downfall of his coat.
The culprit was a woman typist, one of the many who dot the court’s landscape. She had (rather callously) flung off Homon’s coat from the pole which she considered her own, and then set her umbrella over it to commence the day’s job.
It was a question of jurisdiction and locus standi rolled into one. What Mr. Homon did was to correct her impudence with a kick to her table, unwittingly felling her equally prized type-writer in the process.
A mistake. A serious one, for hell hath no fury like an African woman dared. Before Mr. Homon could obtain any prerogative writ of prohibition or secure a restrictive injunction, the lady was at his throat with claw-like hands.
Nonetheless Mr. Homon rose to the occasion but not like a gentleman. He also gripped the woman by the throat, very near, yet far away from the perimeter of her mammary ensemble! Thus joined in combat did the fighters sway in the hot sun, one snorting like a Chinese dragon, the other seething like a Bengal tigress. Honour fled, respect vanished, decency could not be found but shame reigned supreme.
At the end of the shocking show of shame, the crowd of emergency fight managers, referees and judges, gave the fight to the woman, even though her neck, jaws, lips, cheeks smarted from Mr. Homon’s fistic visitation.
Mr. Homon lost face. A ‘whole’ lawyer in a clutch-a-clutch with a woman? In the very premises of the court?
But is Mr. Homon the only “offender?” What about you? And you too? It’s really worrisome the rate learned gentlemen are showing the beast in them in very physical fashion. We fight one another and some even beat up their clients.
I ask – Are we really learned gentlemen or learned thugs? As for my friend Homon, next time you attend our NBA meeting, come in tow with 4 crates of malt drinks, 2 bottles of Elders drink and one fat black she-goat. Otherwise the door shall not open for you.
Olalekan Yusuf Esq., Chairman NBA Ikeja Branch, are you listening?
Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
THE LEARNED SQUIB
‘MR HOMON THREW A PUNCH’ By Adesina Ogunlana
I have many friends. Some learned, others not so learned. One of my friends, Mr. Homon fought the other day. Now this fight should interest you. For four good reasons.
(a) Mr. Homon is a legal practitioner.
(b) He fought not only in broad daylight, but right within the premises of the court (Magistrate Court 1 Ikeja).
(c) He fought with a woman
(d) He fought, not verbally, not spiritually nor intellectually…but physically, very physically.
What caused the altercation? There are many versions but I’ll like to believe what my friend told me. He had taken off his coat and hung same on a pole and left the place to see to some other business. Alas when he came back, there lying in an ignoble heap in the dust of mother Earth was his prized habiliment.
Mr. Homon saw red. Sherlock Holming a little, he soon discovered the cause of the downfall of his coat.
The culprit was a woman typist, one of the many who dot the court’s landscape. She had (rather callously) flung off Homon’s coat from the pole which she considered her own, and then set her umbrella over it to commence the day’s job.
It was a question of jurisdiction and locus standi rolled into one. What Mr. Homon did was to correct her impudence with a kick to her table, unwittingly felling her equally prized type-writer in the process.
A mistake. A serious one, for hell hath no fury like an African woman dared. Before Mr. Homon could obtain any prerogative writ of prohibition or secure a restrictive injunction, the lady was at his throat with claw-like hands.
Nonetheless Mr. Homon rose to the occasion but not like a gentleman. He also gripped the woman by the throat, very near, yet far away from the perimeter of her mammary ensemble! Thus joined in combat did the fighters sway in the hot sun, one snorting like a Chinese dragon, the other seething like a Bengal tigress. Honour fled, respect vanished, decency could not be found but shame reigned supreme.
At the end of the shocking show of shame, the crowd of emergency fight managers, referees and judges, gave the fight to the woman, even though her neck, jaws, lips, cheeks smarted from Mr. Homon’s fistic visitation.
Mr. Homon lost face. A ‘whole’ lawyer in a clutch-a-clutch with a woman? In the very premises of the court?
But is Mr. Homon the only “offender?” What about you? And you too? It’s really worrisome the rate learned gentlemen are showing the beast in them in very physical fashion. We fight one another and some even beat up their clients.
I ask – Are we really learned gentlemen or learned thugs? As for my friend Homon, next time you attend our NBA meeting, come in tow with 4 crates of malt drinks, 2 bottles of Elders drink and one fat black she-goat. Otherwise the door shall not open for you.
Olalekan Yusuf Esq., Chairman NBA Ikeja Branch, are you listening?
Related link: http://www.learnedsquib.blogspot.com
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